God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
