your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
