Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
