I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
