I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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