my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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