Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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