U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just high enough for therapy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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