I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
