She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
