I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
