mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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