I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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