i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
