i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My feet surprised me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
