I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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