i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
