Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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