He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
