I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
