Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
