Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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