Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
