You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
