just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
