Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

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(509): View more from Washington

My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away

(508): View more from Massachusetts

You just wanted to meet firemen

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(217): View more from Illinois

He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.

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