i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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