so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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