I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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