All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
