life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
