so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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