wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
