He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
