I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
