We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
