i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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