Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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