I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
