the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
