so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
