i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nutella sex= disaster
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
