Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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