I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
