It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
