so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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