I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
