They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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