I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So much Jack, so little girl.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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