You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
